Some productivity

I'm still feeling really anxious today...a lot of it, well most of it is because my jaw feels weird. Kind of weak and strained/tired..little bit sore. When I chew sometimes it hurts and I've been getting really worried about it. I love to eat food too so it freaks me out when my jaw starts feeling kinda tired from eating :( I'm not used to it. I know I need to go to the dentist, I'm going to eventually make an appointment but if there's one thing that scares me more than any other kind of appointment it might be dentist. Eh...but I have to do it. I am SO scared that I'll have to get jaw surgery or something. My jaw alignment has always been bad, and I was supposed to get jaw surgery if I wanted a perfect smile but I never did...but now I'm worried that it's starting to hurt lately because I need the surgery but I'm really hoping not. :( Ugh ugh ugh. I talked to my boyfriend's mom about it too and she just made me more nervous about it. I'm a nervous WRECK lately.

On a positive note, last night I was trying really hard to just think positve things right before bed. I only thought positive and I felt better. This mornign I woke up with no anxiety, everything was going fine. But then when I went shopping with my boyfriend I felt like I was going to faint all of a sudden. Of course I didn't, but I felt weak and dehydrated..then when I got home and ate I felt like my jaw hurt. I'm letting everything get to me..I just want to be healed. Oh wait, this isn't "on a positive note" anymore lol. So, some more things positive. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday and then I hopefully have a therapist appointment who specializes in anxiety and panic disorder the week after. I talked to her over the phone and she was glad to hear that I didn't like the idea of a medicine that I have to rely on and she told me that what I have is definitely something I am able to overcome without medicine which I like about her already. I don't like when people automatically want to get you on medicine to fix your problems, that's not what I want. Now I just need to get a dentist's appointment, I'm REALLY hoping my jaw will be ok. I'm so scared. I'm hoping it's just my anxiety that is causing it...which I don't really like but I dunno...I just hope it's normal and not anything serious.

Oh and I'm kinda nervous too because I made plans (I kind of forced myself to say yes..but I'm sure I'll regret it) to go to this lobster buffet with my boyfriend's friend and girlfriend. It's actually the girl I talked to yesterday on IM that told me I need to get out more..go figure lol. Well it's my boyfriend's friend's birthday and he invited us to go eat there with them. I'm not sure if anyone else is going but either way..I'm a little nervous. Normally I wouldn't be nervous at all. I'm just hoping that in the next two weeks my jaw feels better because I can't eat a buffet worth of food with my jaw feeling like this. =x I have noticed for a while that when I eat, I hear a cracking sound on the right side of my jaw...maybe my jaw is deteriorating and getting worse and I should have gotten it checked a long time ago. Ugh please just let the stress and anxiety go away and with that hopefully my jaw will feel better. That would be very nice.